First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
