I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
