Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize