if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize