you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
