Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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