'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
