How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
