Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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