oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
