her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
