i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize