yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
