anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There's even glitter on my cock...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
