It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
