That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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