I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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