I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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