Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
As shirtless as possible
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
