Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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