so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
