Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
