well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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