If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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