South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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