I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
