do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
