my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish my penis had an off switch
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
