Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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