you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
