i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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