that's an acceptable place to lick
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
