i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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