I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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