Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
