OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
