dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
