You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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