What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
