Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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