I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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