I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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