My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
