Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
