When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
