He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
3 2 1 whiskey
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
