so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
