I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This couple is walking their pig around campus
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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