Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
