drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
