So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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