There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
