I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's a Shit stain on my heart
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
