we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
