Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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