guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
