How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
