the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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