If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
