I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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