dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
