I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
