i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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