Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize