dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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