she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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