I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
MIDGETS
????
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
