it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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