Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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