I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
