I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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