guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
