Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
