He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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