I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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