I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
